Where Has He Gone?

In the Starbucks at 71st street. I feel a blood sugar sleep sinking over me as I try to stick to reading Notes from Underground. It must be from the Bi Bim Bop and the fact that I practically didn't eat yesterday.

I still can't believe what went down with B... That this is the way it might all end... That I may never speak to him again. I certainly am not going to call him, but it will hurt like hell if he never tries to contact me.

How could I have not known him at all? How can he really be this selfish at the core?

I feel like what happened between us is the exact same thing that happened between me and GoldenFinch...that was three years ago and my heart still hurts from it and I'm still so angry and will never, ever be able to think of her as a best friend. I thought B was my best friend... I really did. I gave him everything I had and it turns out that he is no kind of friend at all-- not even willing to make the most minimal sacrifices. (Like GoldenFinch). I WOULD NEVER HAVE DENIED HIM ANYTHING HE ASKED. Now, I never want to give him anything ever again.

Suddenly, I remember the girl in the computer lab and wonder why I went through all of this suffering. I hope that girl is dead. I hope she died a horrible death. That makes me a horrible person, but I don't care... Maybe I am.

All I know is that he took my dreams away from me... and wouldn't even stay late at a party in return... Where has he gone?