Raj

Later. And last night was so weird. I feel like it should have been exciting, but I feel so numb and deadened to everything. I mean, he is a stranger-- telling me that I am the most beautiful girl in the world, kissing me and touching me. And I just felt so cynical about it and not present and like the whole evening was for him and I was just passing time.

Maybe I'm changing. It was not as thrilling as it would be for me if something happened with someone I cared about. Is that just weird?

I used to think that sex was always more thrilling with strangers, but I don't think that anymore. It only makes me miss him so much more. I feel like this whole break up thing was supposed to make me love him less, but instead I love him more every day.

Last night on the phone he was wonderful... so wonderful. I never imagined that I could be as honest with anyone as I am with him and he still sees me and loves me.

I am so fucking confused.

"In this cruel and lonely world, I've found one love."