Cancelled Quebec

So, here I am... dumbfounded (on the day that my draft is due and 10 minutes before a trip to the nutritionist). I was holding back tears all morning until I got to teaching-- who would ever have thought that "Industrialization" could keep me from crying!

I just can't believe that conversation that B and I had last night. I just can't believe it. He's mad at me for "cornering" in to chipping in for Kuting, even when she was sick... and for wanting him to stay at my party. I have done nothing but give to him every ounce of myself... of my soul... holding back no spark of it for myself, foolish or not-- and he is telling me that I am asking him for too much, by paying for part of Kuting's treatment and asking him to stay at my party! He didn't even stay at the party, so it's not that I asked him to stay... he didn't even want me to ask! Ultimately, he is a selfish person. What he said to me last night has suddenly made him so unattractive to me that I don't even want to be his friend anymore. I don't want to be his friend!

I am going to call my mom and ask her to go to Quebec with me and give him my ticket to the Ring in exchange and that will be that.

I feel like I'm going to throw up right now, but I really don't want to go into the bathroom in Starbucks. If I have to spit up, I'll try to do it into my iced tea.

I'm glad he said those things to me. I see him and he can give me nothing.

I still WANT, but I don't want him anymore.