The Invisible Woman

On the 57th Street crosstown bus, heading to Dr. G. The wind is whipping around everyone's necks today... strands of hair and looseleaf are flying up into the air, above the newsstands and across the sidewalks.

Thinking about The Invisible Man and the "invisible" woman that I have been for so long.

My eyes are dried violets and the grayness of the weather is making me fatigued (despite my urgent fear that it might rain and destroy my newly straightened, beautiful, shiny hair!). This all seems like some very strange calm before the storm...

Constitution stuff in choir tonight... and I am dreaming of the drinks afterwards... Although I don't know why... I haven't gotten wasted in a very long time.

And so much music to learn (and write!) and it is occupying my mind, although I never schedule a time to do it.

I felt strange at B's writing center... I was only there fore ten minutes and for a completely unknown reason, there was a distance... It might have just been the fatigue. But B did not seem that excited to see me... even after I spent $10 to get there in a taxi, in between "Chromatic" and Dr. G.

But then again, the grayness and wind my be effecting my temperament (and perception).

Dinner with VJ tonight (whom I haven't seen in a while). And not surprisingly, nothing more to say under the weight of it all. Wondering how much is too much (matz) (Lexington) and why I need him around my heart at every moment... some infantile need that I don't understand to always be in his arms. And why do I feel so utterly rejected if they are not forever extended for a hug? But I see them now... out-stretched in my mind. And it comforts me.

(Second Avenue)