Theraputic Musings

Later, and in Choir (before rehearsal has started) and I want to remember to write about this afternoon later because I know, today, that we touched the core and all of this (all of this!) has been an exercise in burying that...

And I am soaked in gold (but powdered and painted) and hopefully, but next week, all will be natural again. (In that aspect anyway).

I have to remember to print my paper after this and I have to remember to call AIR7... The stench of powdered lilacs is going to my head and I want to remember everything that brought glass to my eyes and that clench on my throat and I have to close in a moment... So that's that for now.

I don't know why, but singing seems really tight and forced in my throat and it is not in my head and it is not floating at all and I wonder what is happening... I wonder if my chest is starting to shake again like Czardas said it was... I am going to practice more breathing exercises...

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Anyway, now rehearsal has ended and we are sitting here doing solo auditions (Contessa is singing the Agnus Dei) and although my eyes are still watering from the horror earlier today, I am in an okay mood. Although I am filled with a petrifying premonition that my birthday is going to be a disaster. (God, I hope not!) I should send out those messages tonight00 but I still don't know what to do about B's concert being in the way.

She was right though... If I fix "it," in essence I fix everything... And it is totally all in my power... Why am I so afraid of letting it all go?

Why am I so afraid?