The Night I Discovered "Kettle One"

In a taxi on my way to meet Ally at the World Trade Center. I had my appointment with Dr. G today and she gave me back one of my journals with little notes stuck in it... It's so funny that she noticed that VJ told me I have "borderline personality disorder" and she asked me what I knew about it and the answer is absolutely nothing. That is, until two days ago... And VJ never really told me that directly anyway... She just referred to cutting yourself. Dr. G told me that it is really bad to do that and that I have to stop, but it's not as easy as all that... I guess she's right, though. I should at least try.

Tomorrow BigSis and Bro-in-Law are picking me up to go to the Catskills (K this year), but I'm really not up for it this year... I just have no energy-- things are finally beginning to sort themselves out enough that it seems weird to have to stuff them all back in... I don't know... Well, it's kind of hard to write in the care, so I will stop for a while.

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Anyway, I'm still in the taxi... I was just thinking about this thing with ChoirMan. I know that he says it was all me and Ray says that it made him uncomfortable, but that still doesn't sit right... I wrote him that letter apologizing and saying how weird I felt and how I never wanted it to happen again, but on Monday when I got out of the car at the gates, he got out of the car too, as if he wanted to kiss me, but didn't... I don't think that I am so bad at picking up signals that I am reading this wrong...

I don't know... this taxi ride is taking forever and I am getting really annoyed. Anyway, I will close for now.