College Days Fade

Just left lunch with B at Hsin Yi. The neighborhood is crazy right now. The UN General Assembly begins meeting today so there are leaders from all around the world here. The police presence is crazy. They say it's supposed to be like this until October 5th. Oh well... It's already 12:30 and I still have so much fucking reading to do. I really want to eat a muffin, but just ate lunch so know that it's just gluttony.

It's weird (and this is a totally new train of thought), but I am beginning to feel like "the college years" are in a safe and comfortable past. I don't feel like that person anymore. I feel like that can have been my youth, but who I am now doesn't have to be continuous with that. I feel like I am redefining relationships with a lot of my friends and that I see them from more of a distance. I feel like I want to open up less to people I'm not all that close to. Even stranger, I don't want to be close to so many people.

It's harder to keep friendships tight without opening up though. It just seems that everyone's lives are so different. GoldenFinch is getting married. NiS may be heading off to Germany. Who the hell knows what Liu is up to since I hardly hear from her anymore...

I think one of the reasons I feel really irritated with her is that she "aligned herself" back then because she was going through some sort of phase and then she moved on, but meanwhile that part of me was not a phase, but something more essential. I thought I had found someone who understood and was the same and now I feel like I was wrong. Nobody can be trusted to be the same sort of friend when there's a man around, unless the relationship is not going well...

Anyway, I better get reading. Like I said... I have so much fucking work to do!