I Can't Write a Scream

And so, my words become fewer and fewer... My CD player keeps skipping and it's really pissing me off!

Anyway... Life is kind of the same. I slept up at AIR7's last night. It's like I don't even enjoy it anymore... I just love being held... I think that's what it's all for... Those few moments before and after and everything else melts away. I'm not even sure what the "everything else" is anymore.

Life is pretty boring otherwise... midterms are coming up and New Orleans in two weeks... I still feel really stressed about ChoirMan though, although I don't know why.

GoldenFinch and I went out with PZ on Wednesday (2/24) and saw him play at Birdland. It was fun.

God, though... all I feel is anxious and without a fucking cause! And I want my life to move and to go somewhere and then I realize that I just want to be held... I would throw it all away to be held... Because in those moments, I have it all back.

And then I wonder if I am just using AIR7, and if he's just using me and if it's okay that we're using each other.

It's 11:00 PM and I am supposed to go to 1020 with E-the-R later. But I am tired and have no money... We're back to that. I spent $72 on Wednesday, then gave KSing $20 to buy a little coke for me, then spent $8 on a taxi to AIR7's last night, plus food... I am way over this week. I suppose I should keep it at $20 max if I go. That should get me about four drinks.

I don't know... I just feel this well of... frustration and I don't know where it comes from or how to get rid of it.

There's really nothing to write... I can't write a scream. (Although I AM painting Treblinka).