Freshly Stitched and Afraid of ChoirMan

So, two days have passed and I don't feel any better. I am freshly stitched and so many promises have been broken that I can hardly find my reflection among the glimmering shards and fragments of glass. And I wonder if I will ever have another change... I wonder if I will ever have another chance...

And it makes me feel sick to know what has happened, and to know that he blames me even more for what happened on Monday night.

And my eyes burn and are so heavy and my head aches despairingly and I just want to close my eyes and have it all be over.

And I am thinking about Monday and how much I don't want to see him today!!!

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Anyway, later... And sitting in rehearsal and beneath the sting of my eyes, wanting to die, die, die, die, die, die over and over again. I know that I don't deserve him and that this is really some kind of divine justice, but I can't look that justice in the eye and I can't bear what this is. (And VJ tells me that it is the typical burden of "being a woman in America" or something like that...).

And I don't want to look up, don't want to look up!!! So I will scribble for the rest of rehearsal if I have to.