Arrival in London

So, here I am in London, with the overwhelming urge to write again. And I can only suppose that it's because I've lost B. Or, at least because he's not here for me to talk to, and as far as I can tell, no one here is on exactly the same wavelength as I am, although they all seem very nice.

I am sitting here inside a Starbucks inside a Borders and feeling kind of guilty about it. But, it's not entirely my fault. I needed to find both a bathroom and a place to sit and read Heart of Darkness and I knew this place would offer both.

Class this morning was really so interesting (although I don't feel like repeating the ideas right here) and I think I am going to really enjoy it, except for the part about applying it to our curriculum. I'm not really sure I understand how to write a curriculum still, and that task seems rather daunting.

I feel like I want to and need to spend a lot of time on this trip alone-- wandering and reflecting and exploring the parts of London that I want to see at my own pace, but I don't want to be anti-social. I think it's going to be hard to find the right balance.

I miss B so much that it's like a dull, deep ache in me and I just want to curl up in his arm and let go of these tears. But somehow I doubt that I will ever be able to let go of these tears.

London is the city most like NY that I've ever been to. I think I expected it to more like Paris... more like my own preconceived notions of "European." But we have taken so much from British culture and they from us, that it's quite understandable how the lines blur.

One other interesting point is that I'm not sued to being "othered," whereas here, anything I say gives away the fact that I am not just a foreigner, but specifically an American. It's strange to wear such a tangible and identifiable identity marker. I can't say that I sand out visually though. There are all ethnicities and fashions here...

Anyway, I need to do a little reading and the ice cubes in my coffee are melting, so I will close for now...