What a Shame

Father's Day. And on the LIRR. Back to the city with B.

I feel very sad... A blackness pressing on my chest and smothering me. He said yesterday in the car when I was talking that he was thinking "Oh God, just shut up... I can't take any more of this noise!" That makes me feel very bad.

And what Nanny said today too... I feel like I shame... What a shame... It's too bad, because I could have been...

I am a shame and I hate, hate, HATE myself. I wish I weren't' here anymore and I want to die. Close my eyes forever.