Finals and the Fallout

Finals and the Fallout

God, it feels like it's been ages since I've written. SO much has happened...

The whole thing with the arrest has made me absolutely sick, although I am glad that my mom knows... I really don't need this crap right now though... Not in the middle of Finals.

I don't know... It's all going to be okay in the long run, I guess, but how could this have happened to me? It all seems so unreal... Where did I go in all of this? I just know that I will never be the same...

And my birthday in the middle of it all...

It was fun. We went out to some Thai restaurant in Chinatown that JKidd picked out. I had a good time. And yesterday I ate dinner at PhysicsGuy and PhysicsGirl's apartment. And then I went to GoldenFinch's recital and we watched Wings of the Dove. It was pretty good.

Scheisser emailed me on my birthday, but I emailed him back to leave me alone. Amac called me too and I forwarded her back thanking her. But then she forwarded me again, saying that she heard from D that I am having "issues." My mom better be keeping quiet about all of this!

I spent the evening butchering my leg today, and I don't even know why... It's like it's out of boredom already. I really have to make myself stop, but I can't think of anything until after Finals. Finals start on Thursday and I just have to concentrate on passing.

I wonder how this is all going to work out... I wonder what they will do to me if I fail (the school, I mean...) I just want this week to be over... The community service, the studying, the exams and everything. But I suppose that in only a week (and two days) it will be, and the time should not be so bad.

I am just so grateful for the good friends that I have around me. There are so many people that love me and who don't judge me-- AIR7, GodlenFinch, B, PhysicsGuy and PhysicsGirl, KSing, Anxious, Susanna, JKidd and then my family.

Amac is gone right now though. And VJ is being really weird too... I mean, I know that she's going through a lot of her own stuff, but she is so self absorbed. She knows that I missed the Opera Ensemble concert on Thursday and she saw me crying on Saturday and she never asked what was wrong. Also-- I told her about that stuff with ChoirMan all that time ago (thank God that seems to be back to normal, by the way) and she never once asked me if I were okay or anything about it...

I don't know... I have one semester, though, to pull myself together and prove to choir that I will make a good president. I have to remember to drop that check off tomorrow. Dr. G. is right, though... It is the worst to feel so lonely when there are people all around you.

I think I just need a boyfriend... Well, to lose a ton of weight and then get a boyfriend... My goal is to have it all off by March. I know I can do it by Spring break if I really try...

Anyway, tomorrow I have to spend the whole day studying. Oh, and I"m going to lunch with Christina from High School (I haven't seen her since June!). But I have to get to sleep now.

So...

Good night.

-h-