Torrential Downpours

So, things continued to be strange...

Sunday I went out with Nipkins for her going away thing. (She is going to San Diego for the summer). We went to dba which is actually a really cute place to hang out on a Sunday afternoon. They have a garden in the back where you can drink beer, play scrabble and read the Times.

I got a little wasted. Why? I don't know.

After that (about 7 Jack and diets later), we went for Pizza where I had a few beers. Then we went to a bar called "Rudy's" on the West Side.

I freaked out when we got there because guess who was at the door? The Bouncer! That guy from the threesome three years ago. I asked him if he remembered me and he said that the Stallion was inside. What?!??!

The Stallion is totally hot, but he was there with a girlfriend. I felt so weird about it that I told Nipkins and her friend Dave (who I'm sure thinks I'm totally crazy AND a slut). But anyway, the Stallion gave me his number which I put in my phone, but I lost my phone later that night.

I kissed some other guy at the bar (who's in his 40's) and also thought I was nuts. You know what? Maybe I am.

And seeing the Bouncer and the Stallion was even more strange after what happened on Friday night.

I went out with VJ to Karma (where we met up with English and "the Kid" and his friend). VJ was wasted the whole night. It started out just the two of us and I was smoking the "hubbly bubbly." By the end of the night, she was kissing "the Kid's" engaged friend and i had to drag her out of there.

When she got home I told her to call me. She was talking to some guy who told me his name was "Alan J. Morgan." Apparently, he found her fumbling with the key, falling down on the stoop of the wrong building. The name sounded so familiar to me and it turns out that it's the same guy I made out with a year and a half ago at Jewel's party. I still have his business card. So to run into him on Friday and then the Stallion and the Bouncer on Sunday is just really too weird!!!

Sine then, I've been doing coke all week From the stuff that JFig gave me. Narc (that guy from last Wednesday) called me on Friday, but we've been playing phone tag ever since. For a while I thought he was blowing me off and got a little down about it.

Last night I felt really sick. My study group came over here and by the end of the evening, I felt so feverish and my throat was hurting. I think it's from the coke I did that afternoon, but I can't be sure.

I got sicker and sicker, sweating and with the chills. I felt so weak and like everything in the world is so upside down and inside out and crazy. (Did I mention that I had spoke to Anxious for two hours that morning and she told me that she's cheating on Buke?)

Anyway, I couldn't help myself, so I called B. We talked for about an hour and a half and made each other laugh. I love him so much! Yet even still, there was the same tension and pain underneath everything between us. I have to keep reminding myself how much he hurts me. Why is it so easy for me to block all of that out and feel only love? I work up this morning feeling even sicker still. When I went to the doctor she told me that I probably have a viral tonsillitis and that my right tonsil is incredibly inflamed.

I feel like shit.

Anyway, I guess that's it for now. There are thunderstorms tonight-- Torrential downpours coming down on all those suckers in Central Park who are there for the New York Phil concert.

Oh well...