I Wanna Be Sedated

Ok... So, I finally left the house.

Last night I drank two bottles of wine and took some codeine. I don't' know what's wrong with me. I haven't done anything like that in so long. I can't let myself regress. I have to keep my head above water right now. I am only responsible and accountable to myself, and that has to be enough.

Now it's 2:00 PM and I haven't eaten yet today and feel like vomiting, but at least I left the house.

Going to the beach with BigSis tomorrow will be good for me... And tutoring today.

He wrote back to me today "I love you too." But what does that mean???

"I love you too, but too bad?"

Why is he bothering to tell me, then?

Ugh... My lunch is here, but I don't want to eat it. It was good talking to Joseph last night. Although I think that we're both crazy. But, he's good to talk to because he has perspective that my other friends don't-- he doesn't see things as clear cut. Whatever... I have no choice in all of this. NO choice, but to let B go and to keep doing what I have to do one day at a time.

And that's life.