B: On Prostitutes

Sometimes I really hate him. I can't believe this whole fucking conversation about prostitution. I shouldn't let him sleep here anymore... a man so against my principles! I mean, it's so dehumanizing to everyone involved and so pathetic on part of the person buying... I would lose all respect for him if I knew he even considered such a thing! It's so fucking pathetic. I need to get out of this situation... to get out of this world in which a guy thinks he can buy the realness of sex. He doesn't know what sex it. She has side-railed me for long enough.

It annoys me that he's even sleeping out there in the living room after we had this conversation.

I don't know... this is stupid. Maybe I should kill myself.

(See what happens when you're drunk?!?)

And do I think that Buke is charming when he says it? So what? I can't believe B would think that way. It really makes me hate him.

But how can I hate someone I love?

Well, this time I just do...

Summer Heat

At the end of the summer. It's cooled down a little today, but my curls are still sticking to the back of my neck.

Sitting in the Starbucks near ProfNietzsche (I walked here from the nutritionist) drinking an iced venti soy latte and listening to Garou.

I lost four pounds this week. And even though it feels good, I know it's only because I had my period last week. I really want to try to do this though.

I don't know why it's taking so long to cool down in here. Ever sine the blackout, no one wants to turn their fucking air conditioners on. I am ready to kill "Time Warner" too. I can live without cable, but not without Internet. (Isn't that weird considering that 10 years ago I had never used the Internet once!)

Anyway, it's been a week of watching gorgeous men in the movies and being obsessed with A Streetcar Named Desire. I fucking LOVE that movie. (I just watched it three more times.)

So, there was Streetcar, King Creole (twice), Butch Cassidy... etc. And yesterday in the movie theater, Open Range.

Today I'm supposed to go to Long Island to have another dress fitting with Pati. I hope the whole shoe thing works out. LilSis and I really need to plan BigSis' bachelorette party this week. Maybe I'll call Nipkins and see if she can recommend any places... or KBH. I don't feel like writing here anymore, so I think I'll read.