Dreamless

Listening to this is making me miss G-school. Sometimes I miss those kids so much... It's weird. They're like the last real connections that I made. And I liked the way that teaching made me feel. Maybe that's a good sign.

Anyway, I feel weird right now... so angry at B. Like I hate him more than anything for betraying me... for betraying my trust. And every time I let it come out, he says "I'm terrible. I know I'm a bad person," and so I say "no, you're not. You're a good person and I love you." And although I mean it, I also don't mean it at all. And part of me wishes that his dreams will never come true... the way he robbed me of my dreams.

Is it possible for someone else to take away your dreams? The answer is definitely "yes" and it hurts even more =when they're what you're relying on to get you through life on a day to day basis...

And now I feel broken and it's not getting better at all.

In fact, the sinking permanence of it all is only just starting to settle-- and the vow that I will never trust anyone like that ever again. I wish I never trusted him to begin with ! I was foolish... He wasn't trustworthy to take care of my feelings, and that was clear form the start...

But by the time I saw it, it was too late...

Now I don't know what to do with him or my life and I feel it all sliding away-- everything I ever wanted is already dead before my eyes.

I HATE HIM!!!