She's Come Undone

Okay. I am absolutely going to die. I really, really, really, really, REALLY screwed up this one. VJ and Rick just saw my wrists; Amac found out that I was smoking and told BigSis; I told ChoirMan that he would die or hit me; I told GoldenFinch and B that I am on drugs; I told Contessa that I was abused and smoked a mouthful of cloves in front of her... WHAT AM I DOING???



I feel sick, I feel sick, I feel sick, I feel sick!



I really think that I'm going to vomit right now. Oh God!

If VJ says anything to Amac about my wrist, I'll die. I'll really, really die. I'll do it right away-- without hesitation, so at least they'll all know, but I won't have to face anyone.

Oh my God, I'm seeing Amac on Tuesday and I will have to make SUPER sure to cover it so that she won't see it.

Oh God! What is VJ thinking right now? It's all unraveling! All of it's undone and I can't control this wrenching inside of me. This indescribable punch in my gut. And for how long did I think I'd be able to wear two masks?

Amac said that everyone was worried about me about what happened last year and that is why word was passed around the sorority about the West End on Thursday. But what the hell? Amac was involved in all this sex stuff when she was like, 12, and nobody still holds that against her!

Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, It's all coming undone and I feel this charade about to end...

God, help me!